The Labour.

(Disclaimer: Some readers may find detail upsetting. Mention of medical procedures.)

10:30am Thursday- Waters broke. The stupid cow at the hospital tried to tell me they had not broken, until I moved and it practically went in her face. We were told to go home and wait for the pains or to come back at 8am the following day as that would be the day for inducing anyway.

2:28am Friday 13^th - I awoke with the pains, mild cramps in my lower belly and I thought “uh oh! Its finally started, two weeks over due and a day away from being induced, my labour is finally here” I was excited and prepared.

I waited until 3am to phone the hospital and alert them that my labour had started, I’d timed contractions which were surprisingly 2-3 minutes a part but the pains were very mild. They advised me to wait until they became very painful. I told Adam to stay in bed and sleep because he’d need his rest, and I headed downstairs to watch some TV and bounce on my birth ball practicing my breathing techniques. I’d been practicing these for months and I was so mentally prepared I was practically cocky and smug while I rocked and rolled on my huge birth ball. “Oh yeah,” I thought as it hit 4am “I am so a natural at this, I’m doing great” I was texting my cousin and I was reading a book on kindle, then everything changed, rapidly.

By 4:30am I’d gone from absolutely fine, breathing through mild cramps, to crying into a pillow, hanging over the sofa on all fours as my belly felt like it was being ripped a part. I tried several times to get through to the hospital, now finding the line just ringing out. I was starting to panic because this was too painful, too fast. This was only the beginning! I staggered upstairs to wake Adam who jumped into logical calm mode and told me to relax while he checked we had everything we needed. It was 5am, I calculated quickly that my dad would have already left for work and my two brothers and their wives were an hour away from leaving for a weekend holiday. We potentially had time to get hold of them.

I phoned Stacey, my sister in law, and she flew into action racing up the road in her car to collect us and our hospital bags. I was screaming, the pain was coming in waves, crashing through my body every minute. What had happened to my breathing method? I could barely stand on my feet, let alone focus on my inhalation. I could hear Adam and Stacey timing between my cries of pain and my panting breath, it was every minute. I could feel the panic in Stacey’s voice, she thought I was going to have this baby in her car. I repeated over and over that I had only started a few hours ago, that the hospital had told me to wait, but this pain came on so fast I was scared shitless.

We arrived at the hospital at 5:30am, said goodbye to Stacey and headed into the clinical white lights. The journey up the elevator and through the corridors seemed to take forever, I was hunched over and tears were still running down my face. I had on the most stupid brightly coloured summer dress, the first thing to come to hand. They bundled me on a bed and finally I got hold of the Gas and Air….I’ll take a moment now to say, what truly wonderful stuff that is. Sucking on that pipe, I clung to it like a lifeline keeping me from falling into the flames of Hell. I remembered what mom said, to only suck on the gas when the pains were happening otherwise it would make me delirious, but the pains were coming constantly. My memory does fade in and out for the next few hours, the gas and air was wonderful at first, and I was four cm dilated on arrival so I knew things were happening. I kept apologising for making such a fuss, I hated that I was one of those women screaming, I thought I’d be a trooper and cope so well, I was wrong.

The pain in my spine was excruciating, I was writhing around on the bed and I was so hot I thought I would combust. My whole body was raging in heat. Several men came flooding into the room. The whole time Adam was at my side like a pillar of stone, keeping me safe. They plugged IV’s into my hands to pump me with antibiotics because my temperature had spiked and there was a risk of infection. Get this dress off me! It’s strangling me, they got it off and I was in my bra. Vaguely I thought of the nightie I bought specially which was still in my bag. I could feel my body pushing, a pressure so hard it was grinding against every nerve I had in my back. My birth plan was a page and half long, said things like: NO pethidine, NO Epidural, I want as natural as possible. I don’t want any interference unless absolutely necessary. ….My birth plan, was BULLSHIT. I started to ask for more pain relief when the gas and air stopped helping, I wanted something stronger, I demanded they give me the pethidine, I wanted it now.

“It’s too late, you’re already 9.5cm, you’ve contracted very fast, it will probably just slow the labour now”

What!! I couldn’t believe it, I’d missed my chance! So I sucked deeper on the gas and I was now pushing. The midwife was telling me to do what my body was telling me, but my body was telling me this baby was ripping me a part. I moved to be on all fours but soon the Doctor made me roll onto my back because the IV’s were too tangled. They kept saying they couldn’t keep babies heartbeat, I couldn’t keep still, the pain was rushing through my stomach down into my privates and my spine was breaking! They hauled my legs into stirrups and the Doctor took the gas and air off me! I wasn’t pushing well enough while taking the gas, I needed to do this on my own breathing. I thought I was going to die. Every contraction my baby’s heartbeat was dropping, I was so scared I pushed so hard, three big pushes every contraction, squeezing Adams hand so hard focussing on his voice. God my back was splitting open, it was agony, the Doctor cut me down below, and helped to get the baby’s head out, they said it was out, I pushed again and the pain in my spine vanished instantly, like magic, it was 9:25am, my 9.3lbs baby was purple and wet and lifted onto my body, his head was covered in wet black hair, I touched a finger to his hair, shaking, he wasn’t crying. They cut his cord so fast and took him away, he was across the room under a bright light and two men were with him and he started crying and I kept asking if he was ok and they assured me he was ok, but they needed to take him away to get him an IV for antibiotics. I didn’t want him taken away, he seemed to be gone for ages. They injected me for delivering the placenta, but it didn’t come immediately, nearly half an hour went by and the doctor said they would prep theatre if it didn’t come in the next few minutes, I heard the word theatre and pushed again with all the strength I had left and thankfully it came then. The doctor gave me the gas and air again while he stitched me back up, and I don’t remember a lot about that because I sucked on that gas like a trooper, but my baby was still out of the room and I wanted him back.

Finally they wheeled him back in and he was back underneath the bright light, I could see him wrapped up with a hat that was too big on his head, he was so far away across the room, I was desperate to hold him. Adam dressed him and although it took so long before he was in my arms, the moment I held him and put him to my breast and he latched on, I knew I was a Mother and that I would do anything, survive anything, fight anything, for my son.