Remember I mentioned some time ago that I'd become so body conscious of my pregnant figure that I'd been hiding my naked self from Adam for months... post pregnant, my body has not improved, however I simply have accepted this is what I look like right now.
It was the birth that gave me this freedom. I was nearly naked and went through the hardest ordeal of my life, with Adam there every step of the way. He saw everything, the blood, the horror, the baby the placenta. He said there was so much blood after the birth it was like a murder scene. Afterwards, with legs up in stirrups and so many medical staff in and out, you lose all dignity as a woman. I cant count how many people saw my privates! I had practically lost the use of my legs, the stitches hurt a lot and it was hard to move on and off the bed.
Having to stay in hospital meant I had to use their facilities which was no easy task. The lowest moment was when Adam had to help me in and out of a bath. My ruined marked body, absolutely starker's, bared completely and in that moment my soul was bared too. I cannot describe the kind of bond that's built between a couple after a birth. The horror we've just witnessed together, the recovery process and having to depend on my man to be there for me, which he has been every second, and looking after this little human we've made together.
I now find my insecurities have just disappeared because for the first time I am accepting that this is my body right now, and Adam is my love and he's accepted it along with me. I know I wont stay this way forever, I'll diet and exercise and I'm going to train my body back to fitness, but for the time being I'm ok with looking the way I do, because I've made and birthed and nursed a human being, and I survived. My body right now is physical evidence I survived the hardest experience of my life and I am blessed with a baby boy in exchange.
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