Tuesday, 1 May 2018

Body conscious, week 35

I've become a whale.
My breasts, belly, thighs, legs, fingers, feet, face have all swollen, and I look like a beached whale. My breasts have lost their perkiness, and my nipples are bigger. My belly button has nearly popped out. I've lost my colour, paling and looking constantly worn out. I hobble everywhere now because the pelvic girdle pain is bowing my hips.

I'm in a state of panic about Adam seeing my body the way it is, so I'm hiding away and not letting him see me with my clothes off. I know my body has to go through these changes to have a baby but I was not mentally prepared for how drastically my looks would change. I feel like an ugly, huge, waddling freak. I hate it. I hate feeling fat and I hate thinking I'll never feel sexy again.

The other morning, I got out of the shower, came into the bedroom and we've had a new mirror put up. I saw myself naked in the mirror and burst into tears. I sat sobbing on the edge of the bed for a good while, thinking I'll never look right again. I've become a grotesque monster. No woman should feel this way, its a harsh reality to face, I haven't felt this ugly since I was thirteen. No...I take that back, I have NEVER felt this ugly before.



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